How to Enjoy Your Christianity Again

Some groups and people within Christianity push a “do more, try harder” moralism that robs us of the joy and freedom that Jesus has already paid to secure for us.  When the goal becomes control instead of soaking in the conquest of our Savior, we actually begin to shrink spiritually.

Here’s how to have joy in the Lord:

1.  Believe deeper instead of trying to behave better.  Spiritual growth does not happen by first trying to behave better, but by believing deeper – i.e., believing in bigger, deeper, and brighter ways what Christ has already secured for you.  Once you become a deep thinker on these matters, better behavior always follows.

Don’t get the cart in front of the horse.

The bottom line is this:  Because of Christ’s work on the cross on your behalf, God does not dwell on your sin the way you do.  So, relax and rejoice…. and you’ll actually start getting better.

The irony, of course, is that it’s only when we stop obsessing over our own need to be holy and focus instead on the beauty of Christ’s holiness, that we actually become more holy!  Not to mention, we become a lot easier to live with!

So get off the performance treadmill by trying to do better all the time, and simply rest in Christ’s completed work.  Only then will you truly get better.

You Can't Force Community (Organic, Part 4)

I totally understand the need for authentic relationships, accountability, spiritual growth, and the need to do life with other people.  It’s a high personal value for me and I live it myself. 

There are books, seminars, conferences, blogs, and tons of material devoted to the subject.  However, most of the concepts don't work as well as promised.  Years in the field using the material has given this insight.  The reason is simple:  community cannot be forced upon people by the organizational efforts of the church – no matter how good our intentions are, and no matter what program we use.  You can push the program, pattern your ministry after a certain model, preach it, teach it, raise it as a high value in the church, hire staff to run it, and follow all the steps, but it doesn’t guarantee community will occur.  Or discipleship for that matter.  What usually happens is that you’ll start off with a big bang, a large number of people will be excited, and eventually attendance slips and participation stops.

In the fourteen years I have served as the senior pastor of PCC I have looked at everything with a discerning eye.  I evaluate everything we do with close scrutiny.  I listen to other pastors who talk about similar issues in their own churches.  That’s my job as an overseer.  I know what has worked at PCC and what has not.  If there is one thing I have absolutely learned it is this:  You cannot force community upon people.  When the church attempts to force fellowship (or connections) what you most often end up with is manufactured: faked intimacy, and shallow friends. 

Community is birthed organically.  It can’t be organized.  We must allow it to happen on its own. 

The church doesn’t have to continuously provide programs to help people form friendships, experience fellowship (koinonia), and get better connected; they are already doing it on their own.  When left alone, people form friendship networks naturally and organically.  What the church SHOULD do, however, is to find ways to assimilate itself into these networks that people already have and guide people towards living healthy, whole lives.

I think we get it backwards.  We’re trying to assimilate people into the church (through programs) when maybe the church should be assimilating itself into people lives…. right where they live.

I wonder what would happen if we relied less on programs, and in their place taught the value of discipleship and community, and then simply let the Holy Spirit do His work in people's lives… like He as been doing for the last two millennia?

Friends (Organic, Part 3)

I have friends.  Chances are you do too.

Most of my friendships are long-term.  I have been hanging out with these people and enjoying their company for more than fourteen years.  Looking back over that many years I can say that we have been truly “doing life” together.  I'm not just saying that because it sound good.  It’s real.  Authentic.  Proven.  We’ve done it over time.  Through thick and through.  Through all sorts of seasons too.  There was no sign up sheet for us to get connected.  We simply met at church, liked each other, started hanging out, and the friendships grew.

Our church is full of friendship networks like this across the board.  They formed the same way as mine:  spontaneously and naturally. Organically, not organizationally.  Friendships like these are one of the ways that God meets some of our deepest needs, not to mention spur us on to spiritual growth. 

Some people might object, “Yea, but you need to join an accountability group and have people who can keep you on the straight-and-narrow.  Keep you honest.  You need people who you can talk Bible stuff with and be transparent with.  And you need people who can support you in time of crisis.”

That’s what my friends do.  And so much more.

Do you remember the popular television show Cheers?  The theme song echoed the desire of so many people:  “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name…. and they’re always glad you came…”  America was drawn to that little tavern in East Boston, not because of anything flashy about it, but because of how well the people who frequented the place knew each other.  There was Sam, the irreverent one; Norm, the fountain of witting one-liners; Cliff, the postman; Woody, the naïve farm boy; and Diane, the sophisticated socialite, all hanging out together every evening.  It was a warm place.  It was a safe place.  It was a group of ordinary people living ordinary life…. together.

Most of us love the idea of having an inner circle of friends like that who know us and accept us for who we are and aren’t.  Strength and vitality can be found in such relationships!  When left alone, most of us are quite capable of forming these kinds of friendships on our own.

But what does the church do?  We arbitrarily gather a group of people together – who often have little in common – and tell them to bond with one another!  No wonder it doesn’t work as well has we hoped. 

Yes, I have friends.  Real friends.  They call me on the phone.  We go into each others homes.  We recreate together.  Have fun together.  Talk Bible stuff together.  And they look me in the eye when they talk to me.

I really believe that if more people would simply establish long-term friendships themselves, they would experience greater community, deeper discipleship,  warmer fellowship, a broader ministry, and truly feel connected to their church family. 

Accountability

Honestly, I’ve come to hate the word accountability.  Don’t get me wrong.  I understand the concept of accountability and the need for it within the Christian community.  I am accountable to the people I serve, and believers are accountable to each other, etc.  But the way  accountability is typically deployed in churches has gotten abusive.

For a long time in the church world it’s been used as a license to browbeat fellow Christians, manipulate leaders, and hold people in bondage to someone else’s standard. Accountability has become a code word for control or police action.  It has taken on the form self-righteous sword-swinging that leaves many Christians wounded and disillusioned with the church and with Christ.  Far too often accountability is a display of pious judgment wrapped up in false spirituality!  It angers me.

A relationship does not have to be adversarial to have true accountability.  It can exist among friends and other types of compassionate, caring relationships.  In fact, friends do a much better job of maintaining accountability for one another than legal-lords do, because genuine concern exists between friends, unlike with church bullies.

Consider.  Jesus said to the twelve, “I no longer call you servants…. Instead I have called you friends” (John 15:15).  He spoke these words at a time in ancient culture when the Jewish people lived under Roman rule, but then stepped out of that hierarchical structure to call his followers friends.  Jesus could have used words like king, boss, supervisor, or ruler to describe Himself and terms such as subordinates, lower, or minor to describe them, but He didn’t.  Although Lordship titles of supremacy are given to Christ throughout scripture, in this instance Jesus intentionally used the word friends to describe His relationship with the twelve because it portrays a model for human relationships that doesn’t lord one person over another. 

I’m going to venture a wild guess here:  Mutual accountability probably existed among this group of comrades.

Accountability has to do with matters of the heart more than it does with a system of governance.  You cannot legislate morality, honesty, or integrity no matter how hard you try.  The best from of accountability is found among people who share a high level of trust and affinity with each another.

Then there are the “accountability groups” that are so popular today.  Ever hear of those?  Usually they are made up of people who have very little in common each other and are led by an individual who feels like he/she is the Potentate.  Everyone is herded together and asked questions like:

• Have your read your Bible every day this week?
• Have you prayed every day?
• Have you looked at anything you shouldn’t have looked at?
• Is your thought life pure?
• Have you lusted?
• Have you disobeyed God in anything?  What?
• Have you displayed pride this week?

And the list goes on from here…

What’s wrong with this picture?  For starters, these kinds of questions are not designed to discover the progress we have made.  Rather, they are designed to catch us in some shortcoming from a checklist of required duties.  Besides, they sound like a fishing expedition.

The questions also assume that everyone answers them truthfully.  The fact is, people lie when they answer accountability questions… adding to their transgressions.

Accountability groups tend to set up rules and conditions for you to live by, which are enforced by legal-lords or controllers.  Your accountability partner’s job is to make sure you are following the master plan of expectations.  It’s an adversarial system at best, and relationally corrosive at worst.  Most of the time it’s both!  Either way, it’s very unhealthy.

It would be nice if morality, honesty, and integrity could be achieved by adhering to an accountability group’s legal codes, but in reality accountability often amounts to a relationship where one person holds another person responsible in a hierarchical or abrasive relationship.

Yet, healthy accountability can be found.  It is the kind that exists between friends and other caring, responsible relationships.  It’s not about “catching someone.” It’s not about keeping tract.  It’s not about keeping the rules.  Rather, it’s about listening, showing empathy, offering help, and establishing restoration.  That’s how we keep one another on the straight and narrow – in caring relationships where the checks and balances are built naturally and organically.

I think that’s a snapshot of what an authentic Christian community should look like.