On "Being Fed"

Every preacher on the face of the earth has heard it.  Even the greats such as: David Jeremiah, John MacArthur, John Ortberg, Francis Chan, Charles Stanley, David Platt, John Stott, Warren Wiersbe, Adrian Rogers, and Max Lucado, to name a few.

“I’m not being fed.”

I even heard Chuck Swindoll say that the number one complaint he received in his church was "I'm not being fed here anymore."

Are you kidding?

Chuck Swindoll is one of the greatest Bible expositors and communicators in the church today. No one could honestly question the depth and content of his teaching. He is exceptional.

It’s not hard to imagine someone walking out of church the day C.S. Lewis gave his famed sermon, “The Weight of Glory,” and saying it was not in-depth enough, or some other nonsense.

This is a universal complaint and has more to do with the complainant rather than the church or the pastor.

So what’s up?

Spiritual Narcissism.  That’s what’s up.  There is a consumer mentality within Christian subculture that views the church as a feeding station that exists for no other reason than to keep people stimulated and titillated. 

This, of course, turns “teaching” into little more than a food bar as people search for what they like to eat in order to pull it onto their plate.  Even worse is how this “selective feeding” often results in spiritual obesity rather than being fueled for servant-hood.

Narcissism elevates the needs and wants of the individual above all else.

Have you heard the way some people talk?  Words like “I'm not being fed here,” or “I didn't enjoy the sermon,” or “It didn't minister to me” rolls off their tongues without even blushing.  We walk out of a worship service saying, “I didn't get anything out of it,” as if worship is only about what we receive rather than what we give to God. 

And it’s stunting your spiritual growth.

The real issue is not about whether you are fed, but whether you have learned to feed yourself, or better yet, feed others.

Anyone can be ministered to and fed (no matter who the speaker is or what the topic is)  as long as they’re open and humble enough to hear God’s Word.  He always speaks to those who are receptive.

But the wise and prudent are passed over.  (Matthew 11:25-26).  Look it up.

Growing but Still Immature

Every parent has heard these words form their teenager, ““I’m eighteen years old.  I can do what I want to do?”

Though a teenager can be legally responsible for their actions at 18, what they lack is forty years of life-experience.  At 18, they are just old enough to get themselves into some deep trouble and spend the rest of their lives suffering for.  They don't know near as much as they think they do.

Likewise the most difficult stage of a persons spiritual journey is when they are in their “spiritual teenage” years.  i.e., You’re not a babe anymore, but neither have you arrived at maturity yet.  You only think you have.  This is the stage in which most people become disillusioned, find fault in their church that they can’t overcome, start church hopping, or simply quit altogether.

They’re growing in the Lord, attended some Bible studies, maybe taught a few classes, are reading their Bible, and are on a journey of learning.  Then all of a sudden they know everything.  They know how things are supposed to be run and begin projecting their expectations upon the church and other believers:

• If I was in charge I would do it this way…
• They dont' run this church properly...
• This church is not spiritual enough for me….
• I’m not being fed here any more….
• People in this church are shallow….
• There's too much sin in the church...
• Wa-wah-waah

Next thing you know they start missing church services because now they think they are spiritual enough to do so.  Instead, they attend a Bible study during the week and feel like it's enough.  They don’t need church anymore.  Or they start looking for a better church, or a more ideal church.  This is a journey – and I have seen it hundreds of times over the years –  that eventually leads to spiritual coldness, broken fellowship with the Body of Christ, and distance from God.

In contrast, the two groups of people in the church that are easiest to deal with are babes and those who are truly mature.

New Christians are easy to deal with, and a delight.  They are dependent.  They need nourishment and readily receive it.  They cry a little bit but that’s only because they have no other way to communicate.  They don’t know much of anything, therefore are easy to help.

Those who are truly mature are also a delight.  Years of wisdom have shaped and softened them.  They are mellow.  Everything doens't have to be black and white anymore.  They have a great deal of patience with imperfect people.  They don’t feel the need to express their opinion about everything.  They are less judgmental.  And they finally realize there is no perfect church in town and are content with their spiritual family.

It’s the group that is in-between that is the hardest.  A streak of rebellion and indepdence gets hold of them.  They get mouthy…judgmental… opinionated… and impatient with other people.  They always talk about what’s wrong at church... see everyone’s faults… and feel compelled to critique (criticize) the leadership.

Just like an 18 year old who can’t wait to leave home and get his own apartment, these growing but immature beleivers will often leave for the wrong reasons.   After the newness of their own place wears off, they soon discover that home wasn't so bad after all.

There are some lessons that can only be learned in the School of Hard Knocks.

Spiritual Narcissism

The names say it all:  YouTube.  MySpace.  And of course, iPod, iTunes, and iPhone.

If there is a theme to our day, it’s that “it’s all about me.”  The technical term is narcissism.  In Greek mythology, Narcissus is the character who, upon passing his reflection in the water, becomes so infatuated with himself that he devotes the rest of his life to his own reflection.  From this we get the term “narcissism,” the preoccupation with self.

Narcissism is the classic, “I, me, mine” mentality that places personal pleasure and fulfillment at the forefront of all concerns.

Now, as Christians, this should be incompatible to us.  We follow a Savior who said He “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28); and “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant” (Mark 10:43).  And then He bowed in submission to the Father, “Not my will, but Yours (Luke 22:42).

Yet much of Christianity has been invaded by narcissism where the individual needs and wants of the believer become the center of attention.  Have you heard the way we talk?  “I'm not being fed here,” or “I need to be ministered to” rolls off our tongues without us even blushing.  We walk out of a worship service saying, “I didn’t get anything out of it,” as if worship is about what we receive rather than what we give to God. 

And it’s killing the church, blinding our vision, hijacking our mission, and muting our voice.
 

We have to make our message very clear:  It’s not the church’s job to do everything for people.  It is not the church’s job to give you the life you want, much less the one that you are expected to forge out yourself through a healthy relationship with Jesus Christ.  The church cannot ensure that all goes well with you, that all your bills will be paid, that every sickness will be healed, and that your kids will always behave.  Most of your life is your own responsibility.

So why do people come to church anyway?  To get fixed, find friends, renew faith, or strengthen family.  That’s all well and good, and the church is obviously here to offer assistance in all four areas.  But the church cannot be held responsible for these four areas of life, nor should anyone expect it to be.

Let me offer an illustration to drive home the point.  The parents of a middle school student drop their child off at a middle school ministry.  The child does not change into a model Christian student.  So the parent’s immediately search for a new church with a more effective middle school ministry and drop their child off there.

What’s wrong with this picture?  What is wrong is the complete absence of any sense of obligation that spiritual growth is the responsibility of that middle school student, not to mention that spiritual leadership within the family is the responsibility of the parents!  Instead, people have a “drop-off” mentality to parenting and many churches even accommodate this.

There comes a point when personal responsibility kicks in and people have to take ownership of the quality of their lives.  Yes, the church exists to instruct and inspire, but it does not exist to do it all for you.  Yes, it ministers to families trying to raise children; it seeks to heal those who are broken; it provides the richest community available for meaningful relationships to be formed, and it offers the necessary tools to help you grow in Christ.  But the church cannot do life for you.  That’s your job.

Some would say that spiritual narcissism is most prevalent in contemporary churches where a strong evangelistic emphasis of reaching the lost is found – suggesting that such churches have abandoned orthodoxy just to put warm bodies in the pews.  Most churches, of course, are doing nothing of the sort .  Nowhere is spiritual narcissism more resisted than in evangelistic churches where they willingly set aside their own preferences for the sake of others, particularly the unchurched. 

Ultimately the Christian life is not about us; it’s about surrender, sacrifice, serving others, preferring others above yourself, and bringing honor to God.

And spiritual narcissism is antithetical to Christianity.

Three Reasons Christians Are Not Being Fed

If you attend a church that is not centered on Jesus Christ, or does not accurately proclaim God’s Word, it would be obvious why you are not receiving spiritual nourishment. In such a case, it would be a good idea to find a church that does. However, if God’s Word is being taught in your church but you come to feel like you are not being spiritually fed, YOU might be the problem. In other words, maybe you need to pick up your own “knife and fork.”

Here are three common reasons why people feel unfed in a church:

1. They are too lazy to take responsibility for their spiritual development. Some people actually expect others in the church to prepare the meal, prepare the table, lay out the silverware, and THEN cut up the meat, grind it down, and stick it in their mouth for them – like a helpless baby. When a baby is fed, everything is done for him. A bottle is put into his mouth and all he has to do is suck. He’s spoon-fed with baby food, already ground and strained. He doesn’t even have to chew. Just swallow.

Feeding an adult is different. The cooked meat is served on a platter with a knife and fork. But the adult has to take responsibility to cut up his own meat. He has the responsibility to stick it in his mouth for himself. And he has to chew it himself. No one else can do that for you.

2. They fail to serve others because of self-centeredness. Jesus clearly communicated that we are fed when we serve others. “My meat is to do the will of Him who sent Me…” (John 4:32,34). The meat you need is to get busy serving others. Hebrews says, “At a time when you OUGHT TO BE TEACHERS… you still have need that one give you milk” (Hebrews 5:12).

3. Their personal relationship with Christ is not healthy. Jesus Himself is all we need. It doesn’t matter the environment we are in – a good church, a bad church, or even a prison cell – Christ promises to be our source of nourishment.

• And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst. (John 6:35).
• In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (Colossians 2:3)

Here Jesus promises to be all that we ever need in regards to our spiritual hunger being satisfied. So if Jesus is not doing this for you then you should probably be looking in the mirror and asking yourself why, instead of blaming your church. You cannot blame others for the emptiness you feel.

Knowing this, nobody can ever say “I’m not being fed” with any integrity ever again.

I'm Not Being Fed at My Church

I have heard this only once at PCC; and that by a person who was so shallow that he wouldn’t even show up to church half the time. It’s easy to connect the dots between his cause-and-effect. (More about this at the end of this blog).

Having said that, this is a universal complaint in churches and has more to do with the complainant, rather than the church or the pastor. I even heard Chuck Swindoll say once that the number one complaint he received in his church was "I'm not being fed here anymore." Chuck Swindoll is one of the greatest Bible teachers and communicators in the church today. No one could honestly question the depth and content of his teaching. He is exceptional.

You have to realize that there are many false assumptions behind that statement. When people say, “I’m not being fed here anymore,” they are ASSUMING that the purpose of the church is to DO IT ALL for them. That is, if you are spiritually empty, it is the church’s fault. Is it really? Or is YOUR RELATIONSHIP with God YOUR RESPONSIBILITY? You are assuming that to be “spiritually fed” means hearing a good sermon, or attending another good Bible lesson. While these tools can be helpful, the vitality of your spiritual growth cannot be solely dependent upon them.

Yes, churches and teaching pastors have a role to feed God’s people. For instance, Jesus told Peter to “feed my sheep/lambs” (John 21:15-18), and Peter repeated that same emphasis by saying, “Feed the flock of God” (I Peter 5:1-2). But that responsibility has limits. As any parent knows, a baby eventually grows up and learns how to feed himself. Otherwise, he will just be a spoiled brat expecting you to take care of him well into his adulthood. That is not normal.

The role of the church is to slowly help believers STAND on their OWN TWO FEET. That is, the church is responsible for helping believers GROW to a CERTAIN POINT. After that, they should FEED THEMSELVES and FOCUS on HELPING THE CHURCH with its MISSION.

The reason that seasoned believers are usually the most dissatisfied members in a church is because they STILL EXPECT the church to be feeding them. Churches are filled with people who have been followers of Christ for decades, and yet for all their knowledge are big, fat, do-nothings. They still wear a bib and expect to be spoon-fed. At some point you have to pick up the fork yourself, stab it into the meat, and put it into your mouth!

Proverbs 26:15 (NIV) “The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; He is TOO LAZY to BRING IT BACK to HIS MOUTH.”

What a great description of the overfed, spiritually-stuffed believer. He shows up to church where the table has been set, the bread of life is offered, and he/she is too lazy to even lift the fork!

Your church, whether that is PCC or another, attempts to serve you each week. But if you refuse to apply what you have learned, don’t study your Bible, fail to pray during the week, don’t join a small group, or dig deeper on your own – if you refuse to lift the fork – I can’t help you. Your next church can’t help you, any more than your last church helped you.

Hebrews 5:12 (KJV) “At a time when you OUGHT TO BE TEACHERS, ye STILL HAVE NEED that one TEACH YOU AGAIN….etc” (Hebrews 5:12).

No matter how great your church is, or is not, ultimately, in the end, your spiritual nourishment is UP TO YOU.

My observation has been that when people say they want more “meat,” they are usually asking for more minutiae (minor details) – bits of trivia that tickles their fancy, new data to write down, or novel facts that have no real bearing on the Christian life.

For instance, does it really help you to grow in your relationship with Christ if someone teaches how many kilograms the Ark of the Covenant weighed? If you learn the Greek word for “donkey,” does that make you more complete as a follower of Christ?


IF YOU ARE NOT BEING FED AT YOUR CHURCH, HERE ARE SOME ASSUMPTIONS I HAVE ABOUT YOU:First, you are probably not engaged in hands-on ministry.
Real “meat” in the Christian life comes from DOING MINISTRY and PUTTING INTO PRACTICE the things you have learned. Not sitting on a pew somewhere, fat, dumb, and unhappy!

Notice what Jesus said:

“I have MEAT that YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT….. My meat is to DO THE WILL of Him that sent me, and to finish His work” (St. John 4:32-33). Jesus said this just after having His encounter with the woman at the well - you know, that lady who was far from God, but found eternal life.

Did you get that? Real spiritual MEAT is DOING GOD’S WILL by getting off the pew, and getting busy with the task of reaching lost people. Please don't tell me how "deep" you are if you have never one a single person to Christ.

When believers are not growing and have plateaued, they immediately think the answer is “deeper” (minutiae) teaching, more passionate worship services, another Bible study, the next conference, or even a different church. The REAL SOLUTION is to GET INVOLVED in the ministry.

At PCC, we are trying to produce disciples WHO DO STUFF… but are not over-stuffed.


Second, you probably are not having a daily devotional time with God, or fail to spend time in your Bible.
The most important aspect to your spiritual nourishment and growth are your PERSONAL SPIRITUAL HABITS and DISCIPLINES.

• Are you readying your Bible?
• Do you pray?
• Are you journaling?
• Do you take time to be still and listen to the voice of God?
• Do you honor and worship God with the tithe?
• Are you giving financially to your church?
• You in a small group?
• Do you witness to people who are far from God?
• Are you memorizing scripture and meditating upon it?

If you are doing these things, and are doing them consistently, you will NEVER FEEL SPIRITUALLY EMPTY. Never.

Spiritual disciplines are much like exercise. If you are obese, the doctor will prescribe some lifestyle changes for you – regular exercise, staying active, eating right, and getting plenty of rest.

Third, you are a discontented person and no one will ever make you happy.

If discontent if rooted within you, it will follow you wherever you go, no matter the church, no matter the teacher, no matter the pastor. Whenever a person has an established track record of being dissatisfied with several churches, I can always be assured that the problem lies within the individual, not the church.

Only one person in our ten year history at PCC has ever said to me, “I not being fed here” (though I'm sure there were many others who felt that way). He didn’t like my response. I told him how self-centered and self-absorbed he was for his suggestion that we forget about reaching lost people and focus more on him and his “needs.” I bluntly told him that if he showed up to church more often he might actually grow. And I pointed out how incredibly shallow he was, flitting from place to place, and never settling down and digging in. Finally, I pointed out to him that he also needed to learn what spiritual authority was.

He left. Now he attends a church that is deacon-possessed and board-stiff.

Me, I’m still cooking….