Hard Core Church Hoppers

A woman approached me last year in the church atrium and asked, “What does your church offer?”  Not knowing what she was looking for, I asked her to explain what she meant.

“I have been attending Hillcrest Baptist Church in Pensacola” she continued, “but I’ve taken everything they have to offer.  So I left them two weeks ago, this is my second Sunday at PCC, and I was wondering what programs and options this church offers.”

Let’s talk about church hopping, shall we?

1.  A working definition of church hopping is going from one church to another without committing to any one church (or body of believers) for any significant time (which is much different than the more legitimate practice “searching” for a new church “home”, say, after moving into a new area).

2.  Church hoppers are self-absorbed consumers.  There is a tendency among them to compare churches and the people in them as consumer products.  “Oh, that pastor down the street is a little more high-energy than mine”, or, “Gee, the music here isn’t really meeting my needs right now”, or, “I’m really not that crazy about the children’s program”, or, “There’s not enough for me to choose from” or, “This church doesn’t offer what my last church offered”, or, “I can’t feel a move of the Spirit here.”

So they hop.

3.  Then there are the hard-core church-hoppers; they never even make an initial commitment.  They perpetually float between churches, pursuing a Beth Moore study at the Baptist church, the youth group at the Methodist church, weekend services at the Community church, marriage enrichment events at the new church plant in town.…. concerts at, well, you get the picture.

4.  My response.  I can spot these people a mile off and I don’t mind saying that I am hesitant to trust them, because, most of the time, they will use me (and this church) and then leave.  It’s for this reason, and many more, that I will not cater to them.  And neither do I want a church full of them.  Nor will I try to keep them in our ranks when they show up.  I am fully prepared to let these folks move on (friend or not) and allow Pace Community Church to “right size” itself by leveling out until what remains are those who are actually committed to this body.  If we end up with a much smaller church, that’s fine with me, and I’m sure it will be okay with God.  It’s better to have fewer who are “disciples” than large crowds of fly-by-night-fickle-consumers of religion that I (and my staff) have to continually provide buffet options for, and are driving us to an early grave.

There.  I said it.

Church hopping is the ultimate “all about me” experience.  They take from various churches whatever it is they perceive to be of value without reciprocating in return by committing to any one church either to serve or financially support.

They move from one church to another looking for the next hot singles group, the next new church plant, the next profound speaker, the next exciting youth group, the newest moms group, the next best whatever.  Many of these same people will often end up full circle, back at the very place where they started because their original church suddenly became “next” on the list again after having used up all others.

For some of these church hoppers it’s a matter of spiritual gluttony.  They want nothing more than to be “fed”, (which I think is spoon fed), and when they feel they’ve eaten all a church has to offer, they move on where there is potential for more food – as if that is what constitutes a mature believer or even being connected to Christ.

For some, it’s a matter of refusing accountability.  A failure to commit, a pattern of sin is pursued, or a choice made, so they leave for a place where no one knows, and no one asks.

For some, it’s avoiding stewardship.  If they are not committed to any one church, there is no obligation to financially give or volunteer to serve at any one church. They can float above sacrifice without guilt.

For some, it’s emotional immaturity.  A decision is made they don’t agree with, a building campaign is initiated they didn’t vote for, a staff change is made they didn’t like, so they take their marbles and go play somewhere else.

I know, I know.  There are legitimate reasons for leaving a church.  A door of ministry may have opened to you elsewhere and you genuinely feel God’s leading.  Or, if there is a scandal that is not addressed, doctrinal heresy, or patterns of abuse, you should leave.  And you can do so in good conscience.  But let’s be honest here.  Most people don’t leave for these reasons.  They leave all sorts of churches for all sorts of reasons, and most of them are silly and shallow.

So, let me offer some pastoral insights……………….

First, church isn’t just about you. Sorry, but it’s not. A church is not like a store in a mall that exists to serve your spiritual shopping list. Church is a gathered community of believers who are pooling together their time, talent and resources to further the Great Commission.  Find one and start investing your life and money into it.

Second, the very nature of authentic community is found in the “one another” commands found in the NT:  Love one another, serve one another, encourage one another; etc.   There are over 50 “one another” commands that you cannot obey unless you actually belong to a local body of believers.  Besides, you need community yourself.

Third,

the absence of a particular ministry or program you desire may be God’s way of getting you to grow up – to outgrow your own preferences.  Maybe it’s time for you to get on board with what your church is doing instead of expecting your church to do what you want.  This is called sacrificial service.

Fourth, you aren’t going to agree with every decision the leadership of any church makes, regardless of its structure or decision-making process. You either feel you can trust the character of the leadership, or you can’t.

Being able to trust that leadership doesn’t mean they will always do things the way you think they should.  In other words, don’t hop every time you disagree. That’s immature.  And for goodness sake, don’t walk about pouting or politicking, either. Either get on board once the decision is made, or find a place where you can.

And always remember Hebrews 13:17 - "Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you."

Fifth, stop worrying so much about “being fed” as much as learning to feed yourself.  If you have developed a caviar appetitive, no one, not even the apostle Paul himself, can satisfy your cravings.  Even better, concern yourself with feeding others (especially those new to the faith) and putting your knowledge into practice.  In other words, stop deceiving yourself being a “hearer” of the Word only, and instead be a “doer” of the Word.

Finally, spiritual depth isn’t fostered by satiating your sense of felt needs. It’s receiving a balanced diet of teaching and challenge, investing in service and mission, accountability, stewardship, and living in a community of diversity that you probably would not select for yourself.

If you simply go to the places where you are drawn, you will miss out on addressing those areas of life where you are blind.

Growing but Still Immature

Every parent has heard these words form their teenager, ““I’m eighteen years old.  I can do what I want to do?”

Though a teenager can be legally responsible for their actions at 18, what they lack is forty years of life-experience.  At 18, they are just old enough to get themselves into some deep trouble and spend the rest of their lives suffering for.  They don't know near as much as they think they do.

Likewise the most difficult stage of a persons spiritual journey is when they are in their “spiritual teenage” years.  i.e., You’re not a babe anymore, but neither have you arrived at maturity yet.  You only think you have.  This is the stage in which most people become disillusioned, find fault in their church that they can’t overcome, start church hopping, or simply quit altogether.

They’re growing in the Lord, attended some Bible studies, maybe taught a few classes, are reading their Bible, and are on a journey of learning.  Then all of a sudden they know everything.  They know how things are supposed to be run and begin projecting their expectations upon the church and other believers:

• If I was in charge I would do it this way…
• They dont' run this church properly...
• This church is not spiritual enough for me….
• I’m not being fed here any more….
• People in this church are shallow….
• There's too much sin in the church...
• Wa-wah-waah

Next thing you know they start missing church services because now they think they are spiritual enough to do so.  Instead, they attend a Bible study during the week and feel like it's enough.  They don’t need church anymore.  Or they start looking for a better church, or a more ideal church.  This is a journey – and I have seen it hundreds of times over the years –  that eventually leads to spiritual coldness, broken fellowship with the Body of Christ, and distance from God.

In contrast, the two groups of people in the church that are easiest to deal with are babes and those who are truly mature.

New Christians are easy to deal with, and a delight.  They are dependent.  They need nourishment and readily receive it.  They cry a little bit but that’s only because they have no other way to communicate.  They don’t know much of anything, therefore are easy to help.

Those who are truly mature are also a delight.  Years of wisdom have shaped and softened them.  They are mellow.  Everything doens't have to be black and white anymore.  They have a great deal of patience with imperfect people.  They don’t feel the need to express their opinion about everything.  They are less judgmental.  And they finally realize there is no perfect church in town and are content with their spiritual family.

It’s the group that is in-between that is the hardest.  A streak of rebellion and indepdence gets hold of them.  They get mouthy…judgmental… opinionated… and impatient with other people.  They always talk about what’s wrong at church... see everyone’s faults… and feel compelled to critique (criticize) the leadership.

Just like an 18 year old who can’t wait to leave home and get his own apartment, these growing but immature beleivers will often leave for the wrong reasons.   After the newness of their own place wears off, they soon discover that home wasn't so bad after all.

There are some lessons that can only be learned in the School of Hard Knocks.

Single-Issue Voters

Some people can get so focused or obsessed about certain issues that they lose objectivity.  There's a single issue that they are so passionate about that it becomes the main issue for them in any church they attend; often exceeding everything else the church is accomplishing.   Some of the common questions I encounter from single-issue voters are:  “What version of the Bible do you use?” or “What do you believe about eschatology?” or “Why don’t you have Sunday School?” or “Who's in charge?” or “What’s the role of women in this church?” or “What kind of music do you play?”

Or it might be objections to Christmas trees, Halloween, or the Easter Bunny.  It might twirling in the isles or people exercising their glossolalia in the service.  Their hot-button issue might be majority rule, a pet doctrine, personal convictions, or the King James Version only.  Whatever.  The check-list is endless.

It doesn’t matter how much kingdom work a church might actually accomplishing, the only thing important to them is their personal hot-button issue.  They are single-issue voters.

Case in point:  A few years back a man and his family left our church because I would not teach a specific doctrine he liked.  It was a denominational doctrine of his previous church.  I said, "Look at what we are accomplishing here.  People are being saved, baptized, and discipled.  Groups and classes are flourishing.  Community it taking place.  I go through the Bible verse-by-verse and let the Scriptures speak for themselves.  People are growing in knowledge of the Word.  Lay-ministry is flourishing all over the place.  The gospel is preached, Jesus is lifted up, and God is being honored by our fruitfulness... And it's all taking place without teaching that specific doctrine of yours." 

But it didn't matter.  The only thing that mattered to him was this single issue of his.  So he and his family left PCC and ended up in a nondescript little church that was filled with all sorts of trouble and was accomplishing little or nothing for the kingdom.

There's nothing wrong with feeling strongly about certain issues related to the Christian life, but when those feelings exceed our passion for the gospel itself, kingdom advancement, and other believers in the Body, something is wrong.

If he wanted to beleive that doctrine, fine, but it didn't have to be grounds to dis-fellowship himself from the PCC Body of believers.  He walked away from 400 people because I (an individual person) would not do a single thing for him.  His departure (under those circumstances) spoke more about HIS immaturity than it did that something might be wrong at PCC.

That same scenario has been repeated to me hundreds of times over... and for reasons as varied as the people who have opinions.  There's no end to it.  People have left PCC because we don't have a banner ministry... a dancing ministry... Christian concerts... fund raisers... cake walks... the same government as their last church... the same methods as their last church... gospel sings... Sunday School... Valentine Banquets... blood drives... Sunday night services.... revival meetings... add infinitium.  And much to my surprise, these issues often arise from people who have taken our 101 Seminar - in which we clearly explain our church's mission, statements, strategy, and structure - and they have signed our membership covenant saying they are in agreement with PCC's philosophy. 

My only recourse has been to stand up to these single-issue voters and keep the main thing the main thing.

Thankfully, most people who authentically commit to PCC are more interested in what's good for the whole church, rather than a personal agenda.  Their focus is on broader issues like our vision, our mission, the role of prayer in our church, the importance of reaching the lost, the integrity of our leaders, our view of Scripture, how many people we have baptized, and a dozen other matters that are actually related to the Great Commission.  To them, kingdom advancement is more important than knit-picking.

I just love it when people say, “Pastor, tell me about your vision,” or “Tell me about your church”, or ask  “What's the mission of this church?”  Questions such as these reveal that a person is actually interested in finding about who we are and what we are doing.  This is something I enjoy immensely because it gives me the opportunity to enthusiastically share all the good things happening at PCC.

These are the kinds of people who usually end up as key players in our church family.  They buy-in, serve, give, pray, give, sweep the floors, follow their leaders, lead teams, and take care of the babies in the nursery when nobody else will.  They teach classes, mow the grass, trim the hedges, clean flowerbeds, serve Communion, clean the building, and get under the heavy end of the log when needed. They drape a towell over their arm to serve.

And they often end up in positions of authority.

Not so with single-issue voters.  Their single-issue emphasis is a deal breaker.

Real kingdom work is actually being accomplished here.  People are being saved, baptized, discipled, changed by God’s power, and marriages are being put back together. Teenagers are on fire for God. Children are being instructed and grounded in God’s Word.  Volunteerism is at an all-time high.  Currently, we have about 150 volunteers serving at PCC in a variety of roles with varying degrees of authority.  Our Sunday services have never been better.  Plus, new ministry teams have been formed since the beginning of the year... and their enthusiasm is off-the-chart!  All of this adds up to a dramatic demonstration of what the power of God is truly accomplishing in our midst.  At this very moment, we have the right people for the current season we are in - they are a good team fit.

I truly believe that 2013 is going to be a bust-out year for us.  Just watch.

Designer Pop Gospel verses Counting the Cost

For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Luke 14:28-30 (KJV)

If you are considering coming to Jesus, you have to count the cost.  Have you?  Do you even understand there is a price to pay?  We know what the price is because the Bible tells us clearly and repeatedly:  self denial, taking up your cross, losing your life, loving Christ supremely above your families or even your own life, and forsaking all.  That’s how devoted we have to be.

Now comes the issue of easy believism and pop culture within Christianity.  People don’t buy into Christianity if it’s too hard.  If it doesn’t meet their needs, they won’t be interested.  If they want six fruit flavors and you offer only two, you’ve lost them.  They need a Christianity that tastes great and offers options.

The first rule of marketing is to give consumers what they want.  If they want bigger burgers, make them bigger.  Designer bottled water in six fruit flavors?  Done.  Minivans with ten cup holders?  Give them twenty.  You’ve got to keep the customer satisfied.  You’ve got to modify your product and your message to meet their needs if you want a market share.

This same consumer mentality has invaded the church.  Need more programs?  Done.  Need more options to choose from on the ministry menu?  Done.  Whatever you need, we’ll provide it for you!  And if the message is too confrontational, too hard, too exclusive, too scary, uncomfortable, we’ll adjust that too.  After all, the only goal is to keep you happy. 

This version of Christianity makes you a partner on the team, a design consultant on church life, and does away with old-fashioned authority, accountability, and moral absolutes.

It’s Christianity for consumers.  Christianity Lite.  And it misrepresents the Bible.  The true gospel is a call to self-denial.  It’s not a call to self-fulfillment.  Christianity has become a “get what you want” rather than a “give up everything” movement.  God’s glory has been replaced with the satisfaction of man as the main priority.

What happens when we offer a consumer version of the gospel?  People take the bait and think, “Hey, this Christianity thing is not hard at all.  Meet nice people, hear an inspiring message, some cool music, get to heaven.”  But at some point the truth comes out.  The hard words of Jesus thunder forth:  “It’s not about you, it’s about Me and sacrificing yourself to follow Me!”

It’s absolutely true that almost nobody is going to want to become a Christian under those terms, unless the Spirit of God is working in his/her heart.  Unless the Holy Spirit is doing His work of conviction and drawing a person to Christ, nothing is going to happen, no matter what we do. 

Conversely, when a person is being drawn by the Spirit of God they will want to know the truth, undiluted.  They won’t need smoke bombs, flashing lights, nine different flavors, or a full menu of ministry options.  And then only the message of Jesus, connected to the work of the Spirit, will produce true salvation.

A Word of Caution to Church Hoppers

Communities that are “well-churched” are fertile soil for the church hopper.  I know this because I’ve been a pastor for more than 25 years.  Santa Rosa and Escambia counties have a lot of churches.  This comes with blessings and challenges.  First of all, the Church is able to exert great influence and perform countless acts of service to our larger community.  But in a well-churched area, the pattern is often a rotation of church members.  That’s the downside.  The sheep sample a variety of shepherds and pastures.  They flit from church to church like shoppers go from Wal-Mart to Target to Kmart looking for the best deal.  Perhaps it’s just human nature to take good things for granted when surrounded by so many blessing from God, but this practice of church hopping is unhealthy.

Many pastors would be willing to admit (myself included) that most people leave churches for superficial reasons.  The span covers anything from musical style, a change in service times, to carpet color.  Sometimes people leave because of disappointment with the pastor or staff not meeting their expectations.  Some leave because they can’t (or won’t) get along with other church members.  Living in community with other believers always tests the integrity of one’s walk with Christ.  We are not called to walk alone.  Yet walking together is a challenge.  Usually, the most mature stick it out while the immature find a justification to leave for another church.

Over the years we have had many people join us at PCC who came from other churches.  When that happens, I always try to make sure that they left their previous church on good terms and for good reasons.  Often, I will pick up the phone and call the other pastor.  For some of these people, leaving their previous church has been an agonizing experience.  We’ve had people come to us from churches they have attended all of their lives.  This is not the typical church hopper, these are solid people.  When they arrive at PCC, I know they need time to work things out and adjust, but I encourage them to not linger too long in their pain because we all need a Biblical community in our walk of faith.

But then there is the church hopper.  Our area is plagued with them….

The problem of church hopping is a symptom of the overall instability of our culture.  It is a reflection of a deeply troubling trend of how easily people slide in-and-out of their commitments.  “Commitment” has become a “reversible” term in almost all spheres of life.  People are constantly looking for something better.  But better often means something new or more exciting – which is more satisfying to the carnal nature than ruling self.

Churches that press people towards maturity will see a steady stream of shallow folk headed out the back door.  This doesn’t mean such churches are destined to be small (or that small churches are more spiritual than larger ones), it simply means it will be smaller than it could otherwise be.  Although I pastor a church that is relatively large for our area, I have witnessed this disturbing trend from our own pews.  A lot of people have left us over our fourteen year history for mostly fickle reasons:  we challenged them to standards of commitment, they didn’t get their way about something, they got mad about minutia, an expectation wasn’t met, or the newness of it all had worn off.  Yes, I could have a larger church by simply accommodating these people, but I won’t cater to the demands of self-centered church hoppers.  I expect them to grow up.  And if they’re not willing to grow up, I would rather they leave us than for our church to become shallow in an effort to keep them.  I want depth more than breadth.

Although plenty of people have left us over the last fourteen years, those who remain are some of the most solid people I have ever seen.  They’re growing as disciples, follow through on their commitments, and have remained steadfast through thick and thin.  They will drape a towel over their arm, find a place to serve, give money, pray, read their Bibles, get under the heavy end of the log, cooperate with others, and do it all with joy in their heart.  It is a pure delight to be their pastor.

Here are five observations and practices of mine:

1.  I am slow to add church transferees to leadership.  It’s better to have a gap in a ministry team, or not even have a certain ministry, than it is to explain to this church family why the person I put into a highly visible position is no longer with us.  We can’t by wooed by a person’s talent or giftedness over their loyalty and long-term commitment.

2.  I try to get over their departure within 24 hours.  These church hoppers come and go like bunny rabbits.  It’s best for me that I don’t spend more than a day or so trying to figure it out.  I can’t figure it out. So I simply move on with my life and my ministry because they have moved on with theirs.

3.  I do no ask them to come back.  Ever.  They were not asked to leave; they made the decision on their own, so if they want to come back they can make that decision on their own too.  Besides, if they can walk away so easily, I never had them in the first place.  If people are so fickle that they are willing to break fellowship with me and this church family over minutiae, then we’re better off without them.

4.  I don’t buy into the “God-told-me-to-leave” baloney.  It’s fiction.  God is a God of commitment.  He doesn’t tell someone to get into a church and get involved, and then tell them to leave in the middle of their commitment.  Furthermore, God is never involved in a move that is dishonest or one that causes confusion and disunity within the body.

Recently I received a letter that read this way:  “God told me to leave my church and attend PCC.  It’s been a good experience.  But since you don’t have Sunday School, God is now leading me back to my previous church.” 

Rich. Isn’t it?  This is nothing more than pure wanderlust.

For the record, Sunday School is a good ministry.  I was a SS Teacher myself for 18 years.  But if a church doesn’t offer it or is unable, it shouldn’t be a deal breaker.  There are other options that meet the same need.  Furthermore, I’m glad the other 449 people who attend PCC don’t share this person’s opinion.

5.  It’s God’s church, not mine.  All I have to do is keep doing what I am supposed to do and God will build the church.  After all, it’s His church and they are His people.  He will add to the church those to be saved, PCC included.  My job is to fight the good fight, feed the sheep, expose the wolves, rebuke the swine, challenge the immature, and protect the flock.

The Benefits of Not Changing Churches

There are many good reasons to change churches.  I get it.  Even so, as a long-term pastor I’ve learned that there are also good (better) reasons for members to stay.  Do you find yourself thinking it’s time for a change?  Before you make a move too quickly, please consider the benefits of not changing churches.

First, staying with your present church (through thick and thin) models what Christian commitment means.  In American society today there is little or no regard for commitment.  Divorce is easy.  Couples commonly live together before taking vows.  Military service is shunned.  Duty has become a bad word.   And the philosophy that “the customer is always right” is deeply ingrained.  Unfortunately, this disregard for commitment has infected the church.  As a pastor, I loathe the consumer mentality and the “what’s in it for me” attitude that causes people to drift from church to church seeking a better youth group, a bigger flash in the pan, or a place where “I can get my way.”

Making a long-term commitment to a church family and seeing the commitment through cuts against the grain of selfish consumerism.  Christians should model commitment, not broken promises.  Commitment means laying down our lives – our personal agendas – for the sheep (the people) in our present congregation.  We are only as mature as the commitments we make and follow through on.

A second benefit of not changing churches, especially in the midst of conflict, is spiritual growth.  James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.”

When we habitually change churches because of a little strife (which exists in every church) we rob ourselves of the opportunity to grow spiritually.  That’s like trading your family in for a new family every time there is an argument in the house.  It is only by staying with your church family and working your way through conflict that you learn to persevere and forgive like God forgives us through Christ.  As painful as the process may be, anything less strips us of the opportunity to grow.

A third benefit of not changing churches has to do with preaching. Longevity enhances the effectiveness of a pastor’s sermons for you and your family.  Obviously one advantage of a lengthy stay at a church with a long-term pastor is that the pastor has a better chance to be an actual shepherd for you.  The long-term pastor is judged more on his life and behavior than on a specific sermon.  People are more likely to say, “The pastor not only talks about love; he gives love.  He was there in our family crisis when we needed him.”  A pattern of care can cover a multitude of less-than-stellar sermons.  Staying with one church under the care of the same shepherd for an extended period of time allows for the reality of Christ within us to deepen.

A fourth benefit of not changing churches is the privilege of seeing God transform your family across generational lines.   When we first planted PCC, I knew only seven people.  Over the last fourteen years strong friendships and long lasting relationships have been forged with hundreds of people.  I have had the privilege of seeing multi-generational families attend our church, commit to Christ, and witness their spiritual formation. I have baptized grandparents, their children, and their grandchildren, and entire families many times over.  I had dedicated babies, married their young people, and performed funerals for their dead.  Over time I have watched little children grow up into young adults in our church family, being with them through every season of life.  Stories like this I could repeat hundreds of times over.

The privilege of watching God transform families across generational lines is one of the greatest blessings I’ve known. If I hadn’t stayed at PCC, I would never have seen the children of believers raising their children to believe, too.  And if these people had not stayed at PCC themselves, they too would have missed out on the opportunity of worshiping as a family across generational lines.

A final benefit of not changing churches is that it enhances our chances of hearing God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant” on the day He calls us into account.  This is one we simply cannot ignore.  In Hebrews 13:17, believers are instructed, “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account.”

This verse teaches us both sides of a double-edged sword.  Believers are commanded to follow their spiritual leaders, and spiritual leaders will be judged on how well they shepherd God’s flock.  This is a reciprocal relationship – both believers and church leaders must be concerned about the eternal welfare of the other.

Obviously, this cannot happen if pastors and church members are changing churches too frequently.

Whenever you consider a move to another church, you MUST evaluate how your departure will affect those you leave behind.  Will it benefit them or damage them?  Again, this doesn’t mean we can never leave one church for another.  It does mean, however, we shouldn’t be quick to do so. Because we are accountable for the welfare of God’s people, we should honestly examine of our motives for leaving.  If we damage God’s people through an ill-advised or selfish move, He will hold us accountable.  When deciding whether to stay or go, we should keep eternity in view.

There are many reasons to change churches. Some of those reasons are praiseworthy; some aren’t. In any case, before you make your next move, don’t just consider the benefits of leaving. Consider the benefits of staying too.

Church Visitors Who Arrive With a Checklist

When newcomers arrive at PCC they often have questions.  I am more than glad to listen and answer.  That’s part of what I do.  These questions usually fall into two categories:  (1) Questions that sound interrogative in nature, and (2) Questions that demonstrate a genuine interest in our church.  Let me explain.

When someone visiting our church for the first time asks, “What version of the Bible do you use?” or “What do you believe about eschatology?” or “Why don’t you have Sunday School?” or “Who’s on the church board?” or “What’s the role of women in this church?” I always get an uneasy feeling.  It’s offensive that some people inquire too early and too often about their personal hot-button issues.  These questions sound like an evaluation to see if we meet their approval.

When checking us out, I wish people would be more interested to hear about our vision, our mission, the role of prayer in our church, the importance of reaching the lost, the integrity of our leaders, our view of Scripture, how many people we  have baptized, and a dozen other things before launching into an inquiry about their favorite issue.  Besides, as a matter of common courtesy I wish people would not show up ready to ask about items 1-through-10 on their checklist. 

Some people prefer certain issues so strongly that their passions are out of porportion.  It doesn’t matter how much kingdom work we are actually accomplishing at PCC, they get tunnel vision and focus on the minors while overlooking the majors. In fact, to them, flavor is more important than results - their hot button issue is more important to them than anything else our church is doing - including the Great Comission!

Then there are the people who ask the type of questions that demonstrate a genuine interest in our church.  “Pastor, tell me about your vision?”  or “Tell me about your church?” or  “What's the mission of this church?”  Questions such as these reveal that a person is actually interested in finding about who we are and what we are doing; something I enjoy immensely because it gives me the opportunity to enthusiastically share all the good things happening at PCC.

Real kingdom work is actually being accomplished. People are being saved, baptized, discipled, changed by God’s power, and marriages are being put back together. Teenagers are on fire for God. Children are being instructed and grounded in God’s Word. All of this adds up to a dramatic demonstration of what the power of God is truly accomplishing in our midst.

But for some, none of that matters. We don't meet their approval because items 1-through-10 on their checklist can't be checked off.

There is nothing wrong with feeling strongly about certain issues related to Christianity.  The problem is when our passion for these things (that we prefer) exceeds our passion for the gospel itself, for the cross, for the lost, the afflicted, and the Great Commission.  Not every issue matters as much as every other issue. 

If your “thing” is Christmas trees, Halloween, the Easter Bunny, twirling in the isles, exercising your glossolalia, or the King James Version only, it’s time to get a better “thing.” 

The kinds of people we are most effective at helping at PCC are the lost, the least, and the lonely - the discarded ones. These are the ones who God sends our way, and when they are won to Christ they buy-in, serve, give, pray, sweep the floors, and take care of the babies in the nursery when nobody else will.

Church hoppers, on the other hand, who have been groomed by previous churches, often arrive at PCC with a checklist in hand asking rude questions - like we are a commodity.  They will argue about almost anything. They talk about action and do very little. They relish in deep theology, but never share their faith with the unlearned. They have tunnel vision and are single-issue voters.  And very often, they lack common courtesy.

Before You Quit Pace Community Church (or any church)

There are many reasons why people choose to leave a church – some of them good and some of them not so good.  Many times the Lord Himself may reassign a person to another church so they can bring ministry or encouragement to another congregation – that’s the best reason to change churches.  More often than not, however, people leave a church simply because they are disinterested, dissatisfied, or feel they can find something better.

To just stop showing up (no matter the reason) is the wrong way to leave.  It is inconsiderate and immature.  If feels like abandonment to those you left behind.  Instead, you should go to one of the pastors, or the senior pastor, and discuss it.

My advice to you is this:  If you are in a church that (1) is scripturally sound and Biblically focused, (2) is reasonably stable and loving, (3) has godly, moral leadership, (4) is doing their best to exalt Jesus Christ, and (5) is making a reasonable effort to minister to you and your children, then hang in there and remain faithful!  You don’t know how blessed you are to have a healthy church like that.  Many Christians would be give almost anything just to find a church that wasn’t involved in an all out war!

If you are unhappy with a church which fits this fivefold description (mentioned above), it’s very likely that the problem is NOT the church, but yours.  Maybe you are hung up on some trivial issue, your feelings have been hurt, you struggle with discontent from other personal problems, or you just don’t like being challenged towards spiritual maturity.

Here are six things to consider before leaving your church:

1.  Don’t leave out of your personal discontent.  If discontent is rooted within you, it will follow you wherever you go, regardless of what church you attend.  Three years ago a certain man who began attending PCC came to me after a few weeks and said, “I really like your church.  It’s so friendly and nice compared to the other churches in the area I’ve attended.”  I asked, “How many other churches in the area have you attended?”  “Almost all of them” he said.  Right then and there I inwardly knew that this man would give me problems, because when it comes down the basics, most churches are not that much different from each other.  Whenever a person finds dissatisfaction with several congregations, you can be assured that the problem is their own, not the church’s. And sure enough, the man eventually became discontented and left our church too, just like he had left all the others.

2. Don’t leave because your feelings got hurt.  Hurt feelings are a “violation of self interests” and are usually a result of being too self-sensitive. In any church or gathering of people there may be many offensive things said or done, mostly unintended, but you don’t have to let yourself become offended. Those who are easily offended may simply be immature, too self-centered, or may retain self-sensitivities due to past, festering wounds. Hurt feelings are probably the greatest reason why people leave churches, but deepening your roots in Christ and His word can immunize you against such tenderness. “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them” (Psalm 119:165 KJV).

3. Don’t leave because you transferred your own personal frustrations here.  Sometimes unhappiness toward the church is a symptom of personal problems such as: family or marital difficulties, job dissatisfaction, personal offenses, memories of childhood abuse, mental stress, emotional illness, and so forth, which are then transferred upon the church and its leaders.  People who struggle with deep internal problems sometimes develop a distorted estimation of the people or situations around them, and may blame them, including the church, for their anguish. Generally speaking, the church is not your problem. Remember that it and its ministers are there because they love you and want to help you -- not hurt you.  So avoid pushing off your feelings of disappointment from other areas of your life onto the church.

4. Don’t leave over trivial criticisms. -- People sometimes have a remarkable ability of making a mountain out of molehill. I’ve known people to change churches merely because they didn’t like the way the way the pastor dressed, the color of the carpet, how the bulletin was typed, or other silly reasons.

Of all the many excuses that persons use to leave a church, trivial criticisms is the most shallow. If all you seem to do is criticize and find fault with the church, you have an attitude problem. Regardless of where you go to church, you’ll find similar faults again, because the problem isn’t with the church -- the problem is with you.

5. Don’t leave because you are being challenged to grow up into a mature disciple.  Many people do not understand that spiritual growth requires confronting and overcoming the conflict that’s within ourselves (James 1:3-4). The environment of the church provides two important features of your spiritual growth: (1) Church leaders (authorities) who will challenge you with truth and correct you when you are wrong. And (2) an environment of fellow believers, all of whom are imperfect, some worse than others, and whose rough edges will serve as sandpaper to smooth out your rough spots. “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Prov. 27:17).

If you really think you are so spiritual, then prove it by getting close to your brothers and sisters in the church and staying put.  Then you’ll find out what’s really inside you.  People are like “mirrors” in which we can see ourselves as we really are. If there’s bitterness or a lack of love within you, it will become exposed when people rub you the wrong way.  It you lack patience with other people, it will be manifested.  If you can’t get along with church leaders, it will soon reveal itself in rebellion.  If you are a fault-finder, it will surface when you see the sinful imperfection in others. 

Spiritual maturity is proven in the context of relationships in the church.  That is how God has designed it.  It doesn’t matter how much your feelings got hurt or how imperfect or unspiritual your brethren might be.  This does not justify your intolerance or impatience with them.  Neither are your criticisms of church leaders justified when they challenge your towards discipleship or have to make decisions in which you didn’t get your way.   These attitudes are characteristics of your own immaturity – a weakness that is within YOU that needs to be perfected.

This is why some people run from church to church – it’s easier to abandon people than it is to stay planted and work their way through the tough stuff.  It’s easier to start over in a new church than it is to be challenged through convicting preaching or correction.  But that’s not God’s way.

If a person remains an “island” unto themselves they will never have to face up to the spiritual immaturity within them.  Conversely, being in an environment with other imperfect people in the church will cause them to face the conflicts that must be overcome in order to grow up.  A sign of a spiritually mature person is that they can be loving and patient with anyone (1 John 2:10, Gal. 5:22-23), and they can humbly submit themselves to truth and the correction of godly leaders (Heb. 13:17).

6. Don’t leave until you have contributed in some way to try help make PCC better.  Some people come to church with the mistaken notion that it is simply a provider of entitlements for them, and nothing more.  They shop for a church as one might shop for fast food.  “Do you have a youth pastor that will play with my kids?  Does your church offer an aerobics class? How about free counseling?  Is there a fully staffed nursery I can use? Will the church pay my power bill?”  And when the church doesn’t meet their expectations, they drop out.

It may be that your church can’t meet those expectations.  Instead, you should find out what direction your church is headed, what their action plan is to get there, and then get on board with that agenda – rather than your agenda. 

Have you prayed for the leaders?  Have you offered to serve or help in areas of ministry where the church actually needs you?  Have you contributed your time, money, effort, and skills to the church in sacrificial living?  Have you humbly followed the direction of your church's leaders?  Have you done anything to make your church better?  Before you leave, you should.