Quarrelsome People Not Qualifed as Pastor-Elders

There is a real danger in selecting people for church leadership who have a history of repeated and/or unresolved conflict. On more than one occasion I have overlooked conflict in a person’s life, reasoning that it was either justified or forced upon him as the innocent party.

The fact is, even when circumstances or theology justify their side of the conflict, a man or woman can still be a quarrelsome person. This usually demonstrates itself in a lack of gentleness, a tendency to take rigid positions when none are required, an inability to lose graciously, or simply an over-love of debate. Whatever form it takes, quarrelsomeness is a disqualifier for one to serve as an elder (I Timothy 3:3).

Yet, if we are to care for the flock after the pattern of Jesus, then pastor-elders must be men of toughness as well as meekness. This means conflict might be called for at times to protect the flock, but always in a measured response. A wishy-washy elder who is a compromiser and easily swayed is a danger to the health of a church congregation as much as a quarrlemsone person is. So weakness is not the answer either. Meekness does not mean weakness. Moses and Jesus were both described as meek (Numbers 12:3; Matt. 11:28), yet we also see them involved in conflict when called for.

There is a difference between a quarrelsome person and one who contends for the faith.

His Anger Ruined His Ministry

Anger will mess you up. Take for instance this true story:

I know a guy who was leading a ministry once. I watched his anger build and would check in from time to time to ask if everything was okay. He assured me it was. “It looks like you are burning the candle from both ends and appear stressed out” I observed. “I’ve got it under control” he said. Repeatedly I would revisit the issue and each time his response was the same. Yet his irritability grew, as did his cynicism and negative comments about other people. He was becoming toxic.

At first his comments were like velvet daggers; you know, friendly insults that were contained in jokes. At this point he was not openly expressing his true anger, but it was leaking out subtlety (something I failed to notice at the time). Eventually it escalated into full-blown misbehavior for all to see. His countenance changed. His personality changed. He became bitter, hostile, harsh, and difficult to be around. He had frequent bouts of serious irritability and was unable to resolve conflicts. He often started arguments. Over time he became withdrawn. The velvet daggers tuned into constant sarcasm, ridicule, and mean-spirited jokes. His communication became condescending - that is, he spoke down to people. He also became domineering in his ministry area. His ministry began to hemorrhage at the seams as people began to drop out by the droves. Like rats jumping from a sinking ship, people were getting out while they still had the chance. He was grinding it into the ground… all by himself.

A spirit of criticism and suspicion took control of his personality. He became hyper-sensitive, short-fused, and impatient. Gossip, whispering, and negative talk became the order of the day. He morphed into another person. Nearly everyone within his gravitational field could feel his downward pull. His negativity was causing people to withdraw - he was becoming marginalized by his very own friends because no one wanted to be around an angry man.

Then one day, it happened. He erupted. It wasn’t pretty. He lost his ministry. And every bit of it was self-inflicted. Even to this day he places the blame upon others rather than himself. He can’t even own it.

My biggest mistake? Not acting sooner.

FYI: I wrote a previous article about anger which offers a Biblical perspective how quarrelsome people are disqualified from the ministry. You may read it here.

Quarrelsome Anger Disqualifies One From Ministry

Have you ever seen someone self-destruct because of anger? Maybe it was in a marriage, on the job, or in a friendship. Not a pretty sight. Is it?

Over the years I have seen a number of people lose their ministry because of anger. Not an anger incident, but rather a deep, abiding, unresolved anger that constantly simmered and eventually erupted in a meltdown.

In I Timothy 3 the Bible describes the qualifications for church overseers and deacons. In this list of qualifications the paramount issue is ones character. A man is qualified because of what he is (in character), not because what he does, the ministry he leads, or the title he has been given. And these Biblical standards for leadership are non-negotiable.

In the middle of this list, verse 3 states that such a person should be “no striker” (KJV) or “not quarrelsome” (NIV) – meaning he is not a fist fighter, prone to unrighteous anger, or argumentative. You simply cannot be an elder, pastor, church leader, or even a ministry leader if you have an anger problem or angry disposition; it is a ministry-disqualifier. “No Striker” is where we get our modern day word “pugnacious” which means, “giver of blows.” An overseer/deacon is not quick-tempered and must be able to handle things with a cool mind and a gentle spirit.

Can you see why this is such an important character trait for those who would be in the ministry? To put an angry man or woman in charge of anything inside the church would be disastrous.

Someone might say, “Well he only blows up once in a while.” This is, however, evidence of a character flaw, rather than an occasional error in judgment. Would you buy a home near a volcano that “only blows up once in a while?” Argumentative people with angry dispositions are ineligible for ministry because they injure and are harmful to God’s family.

• Anger stirs up strife and causes one to abound in transgressions according to Proverbs 15:18 and 29:22.

• Wrath, a form of anger, is contained in the list of “works of the flesh” found in Galatians 5:19-21, and keeps people out of the kingdom of God.

• God’s servants must not be quarrelsome (2 Timothy 2:24-25).

• Anger is self-destructive. Job 5:2 says, Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple (NIV)
  

It is impossible for an angry leader to continue in ministry. Here's why:

• God will remove him/her
• They will be removed by godly overseers in the church
• They will have an unfruitful ministry and will simply quit
• Or they will self-destruct

One way or another, there is simply no long-term furture for such person. Barren branches is what they become. I’ve seen more than one ministry go down in a spectacle of flames because of anger.

Consider what Solomon said - Proverbs 22:24-25 (NIV) 24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.