Who decided that ones faith should be a private matter? How did Christianity become one of those things that you’re not supposed to talk about in public? Who told you that you don't have to go to church to be a Christian? I don’t know how these things came into being, but I do know they are wrong.
The Bible clearly teaches and emphasizes that ones faith is PERSONAL, but NOT entirely PRIVATE. There is no such thing as a lone ranger Christian. There is no such thing as a closet Christian either. We are called to belong, not just believe. We are commanded to publicly confess Christ before men. Unless you are in a cell in solitary confinement, or stranded on a coral reef in the South Pacific, God expects Christians to belong to a community of other believers in the local church, to get accountable to one another, to submit to spiritual authority, and to grow as a disciple. That can’t happen if you are keeping it private. “Me and Jesus Got Our Own Thing Going” might be a cute line from a country song, but it is not New Testament Christianity.
If you just had 1274 pounds of Christian books delivered to your house by UPS, don’t read them on your own. Join a local church, join a small group, and make some Christian friends so you can verbalize your questions.