Friday, April 18, 2008

We Teach People How to Treat Us

If you ever wonder why people treat you the way they do it is because YOU have TAUGHT them to do so. They do what they do because you have taught them which behavior gives them a payoff and which ones don’t. If they get what they want, they will continue the same pattern of treatment towards you. If they do not get what they want, they drop the behavior and adopt a new behavior.

You may complain or cry, but if they are being rewarded by your response (or lack of response), then that person decides, “Hey, this works. I know how to get what I want.”

If people are treating you in an undesirable way, you have to ASK YOURSELF, “What am I doing to reinforce or encourage that behavior?” OWN, rather than complain about how people treat you. In our relationships, we are responsible for establishing the rules that define the boundaries of that relationship.

We don't always get what we deserve from our relationships. We get what we negotiate for. How much mistreatment you are willing to take is up to you. How much good treatment you receive is up to you.

Own it.