Thursday, September 25, 2008

Stupid, Useless Facts About Me

The following is a list of useless, stupid facts about me that you didn’t know, or probably don’t even care about. They will not help you, change your life, or give you any biblical insight. They are stupid. But hey, you are the one that's reading this stuff.
  • I liked Disco music when it came out in the late 70’s… for about sixty seconds. I’m glad it’s gone. I'm still a rocker at heart.

  • I’ve got about 10 pounds that will not come off. This is killing me.

  • I fell out of a boat once and it ran me over - hit me in the head. That’s why I act the way I do.

  • I like the theme song to Cheers.

  • I don’t like any rock music written after 1979. Except for Christian music, I don’t even know any rock music written after 1979.

  • I saw Alice Cooper in concert once. He had a giant boa constrictor snake wrapped around his neck while he sang. But I can’t remember what decade it was; much less what year.

  • If I never hear the song, “Smoke On The Water” again for the rest of my life, it will still be too soon. I hope they don’t play it in heaven.

  • Kenny Chesney is a sissy. He can sing good, but he can’t dance. The corniest song I have ever heard in my life is - “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.” Can anyone sing that song with a straight face?

  • White men can’t dance. That’s all there is to it.

  • I became a business owner the first time at age 29. After that experience, I’ve always felt like an entrepreneur.
  • The smell of liver makes me sick. The odor will gag a maggot.

  • I didn’t make very good grades in school. Some of my teachers even hated me. I got no fewer than twenty-five whippings with a wooden paddle while in school – beginning at the fourth grade and continuing up through the tenth grade. By the 11th grade, they just gave up. I guess they considered me to be incorrigible.

  • It’s a good thing Jesus saved me, or I would still be sitting the principle’s office.

  • I’m reluctant to go out into the deep waters of the Gulf of Mexico; especially with any of these local weekend-warrior boat-captains. They don’t know what they’re doing. And besides, there’s stuff out there that can eat you whole.
  • When I was in basic training in the US Army, three guys jumped me and I was knocked out. I thought I could handle them on my own. I found out I couldn’t.

  • I love snow skiing.

  • Renae and I are due for a two-day get-away. But I’m not going to tell you where we are going. If I do, some of you might show up!

  • I exercise five days a week. I take off on Wednesday and Sunday.

  • My flat-screen plasma TV is awesome! Now that football season is here, all I can say is “oh yea” with a deep bass voice.
  • I found a new scar on my body the other day. I don’t know where it came from; it’s unaccounted for. I wonder what I was doing when that happened? Was I even awake?

  • I never even turned a computer on until I was 40 year old.

  • I use one foot for driving, not two.

  • Renae and I have been married for 27 years. I married up when I found her. Glad she said yes.

  • I can make some awesome guacamole dip. Just ask Renae.

  • I eat hot peppers right out the jar.

  • I never eat spicy food on Saturday night. I don’t want to be caught on the platform on Sunday morning with a boiling stomach.

  • I’m thinking about getting a pair of eye-glasses like Sarah Palin has. Apparently they are in style now.